Goodbye, Miss Sunshine…

I recently took a hiatus from posting on social media to rest and reflect upon recent events that have taken a toll on me both physically and mentally.  It all stems from social media, and connections I have made there, and connections in my personal life.  While I have been blessed with some wonderful and amazing people through my activity online, I have been exposed to a dark side.  A side that has depressed and disappointed me… Offline has been an abyss of dissatisfaction for a long time.

I have cried. I have lost sleep. My whole routine has been off. Everything has been negatively affected. It’s not healthy. It’s not acceptable. It’s NOT going to continue in this manner.

I know you’re probably thinking I shouldn’t take things so seriously.  I do try, but you see…  I have a heart.  I genuinely care about people.  A close friend recently advised me to not get so emotionally invested with people. Especially online. You know what?  I am going to take this inspiring woman’s advice.

Here’s why…

I am not perfect.  No one is.  I make mistakes.  I actually have a life.  With responsibilities, and you know, stuff that has to be done. I can’t be to everyone exactly what they want me to be. I am human. I am just one woman. I need time to focus on my personal life and my health. I want to enjoy things and avoid stress and drama.

Then there are the “friends” you talk to regularly that are unable to comment publicly on your posts. Nope. Done. If you can’t support me publicly, then don’t expect the same from me. I support people like I am getting paid to do it, and don’t mind it all. I get enjoyment from seeing other people do well and complimenting them. I like to uplift people. It’s part of who I am. I wasn’t raised with a lot of encouragement and kindness, so I try to spread it around like it’s confetti. Right now, it feels like it’s been fertilizer. You picking up what I’m putting down?

I don’t like being used either. People who know me in real life know I am a direct person and have shut down many conversations by asking the hard questions or pointing out the obvious truth everyone else avoids for the sake of not ruffling feathers. I will speak up. I will say what no else does. I am not rude, but I am not intimidated by truth. So, if you suddenly pop up out of nowhere, after having known me for years, get me to do something for you, then immediately show you had ulterior motives, I have my scissors ready. I have family I haven’t spoken to in years. I am not going to cater to someone who takes advantage of my kindness under the guise of “friendship”.
That is the cold, hard truth.

I also do not and will not play games. I am too old to try to keep up with being popular. I had my fair share of that back in the 90’s. I just am not going to conform to fit in. I am who I am, and I am okay with that. I am not part of the “you can’t sit with us crowd.” I have reservations at a better restaurant. I am fine eating alone. I never liked high school cafeteria food anyway.

I am not saying I don’t appreciate the genuine people out there. I most certainly do. The ones who make an effort to support me. To speak up and stand by me. To check on me. To chat with me. The ones who accept me for the eccentric person I am. Who are okay with my flaws. Don’t mind my direct and honest way of dealing with things. The ones who recognize that no matter what, my intentions are good and I am led by my heart. I know who each and everyone of you are. I am touched and thankful for the messages of support. I am extremely grateful and overwhelmed by the generosity of those who have sent me beautiful gifts and cards. Thank you! So very much! I love you. YOU ARE APPRECIATED! Peace, love, and butterflies to y’all. ☮️❤️🦋

As for what happens now, well, buckle up… It’s about to get real. Say goodbye to Miss Sunshine. There’s some stormy weather on the horizon.

Why You Gotta Be So Mean?

Lately, I have been witness to so much unnecessary meanness through bullying.  There have been children who have been treated with incredible cruelty by others, people online treated with disrespect by others hiding behind screens…  I could go on and on.  We all know it’s out there.  I mean, it’s been going on forever.  Right?  We’re not naïve.  Unless you have your head in the sand, you have seen or heard of it and it only seems to be getting worse.

Why are we treating others so terribly?  Is it the need to fit in with other people?  Is it unhappiness within?  Or is it just that some people are wired to be cruel to others?

I am not a saint.  Please, don’t get me wrong!  I have been mean.  There are times when I have been downright nasty.  I regret those actions, but I was able to mature and develop into a different type of person.  One who believes in the power of kindness and spreading positivity…

Why did I change how I behaved? I knew what it was like to be treated with malice.  I felt the heartache and seemingly unending tears when someone would say something so incredibly cutting to me that it was as if they had sliced off a piece of me.  I have been overweight, and reminded, not so kindly, that I was.  I have been mocked for loving all the “girly” things I do:  makeup, haircare, shopping, etc.  I have been made fun of for wearing too much makeup.  I have had nasty rumors spread about me.  Complete untruths which made it back to me through multiple people.  I have even had so-called “friends” attempt to try to engage in gossip about ME with family members.  So, I know it’s painful.  Therefore, my mistreatment of others had to end.

How did I change?  I became more spiritual and started thinking more positively.  I made a vow to myself to always find something nice to say to people.  No, I am not Mary Poppins.  (And yes, I think someone recently referred to me as an “empty headed Mary Poppins knock-off”…)  I am not running around complimenting random strangers, but if I notice something nice about someone, I make it a point of telling them.  It isn’t hurting me or even taking any real effort to say, “Your nails or pretty.”  Or something of the like…

I would like to see more people TRY to spread some kindness.  You never know when a little bit of kindness is going to make a world of difference to someone.  It could make their day.  I could make the difference in their life.  You just never know.

Isn’t this all just really common sense?  Treat others well.  Think before you speak and act.  Common sense.

I want to leave you with this.  It is something I wrote when I was struggling and I was faced with a lot of negativity from those who were supposed to support me…

“I have worked too hard for this very tenuous grasp on happiness…  Darkness waits at every turn to encompass my light.  I cannot…  I will not…  Be drawn into that slumber.  The one which threatens to destroy my destiny of greatness.  My candles are flaming.  I replace each one as it burns out.  Do not be the breath of negativity trying to extinguish my fire.”

Thank you for reading.  Spread kindness.  Stay positive.